Beautiful Inspirations.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 @ 11:22 PM

short update.. as i reli feel guilty for not updating my blog for soo long.. grandma passed away.. skipped the whole week and went back for the funeral.. as the funeral lasted for five days.. at least its better for her.. cuz she doesnt need to suffer longer, isn't it? thts the positive side.. i passed my driving.. gonna start driving myself to college starting this thurs I THINK.. hopefully i can get my license on wednesday.. then gonna go visit JACKIE.. *where areee u? dun c u online recently.. u nid to keep me updated* then things are reli getting WAY MUCH better between me and him.. we talked on the phone *quite* frequently.. just last nite we talked on the phone for bout 2 and a half hours.. he bought and sent me a sim card from where he is now.. and we talked bout whther he miss me and why isn't he expressing those feelings? and he told me cuz he doesnt dare to.. as i once told him tht i despise ppl who sweet-talk.. and he changed ALOT.. to more caring *worrying if i skip meals and eat on time,worrying if i'm sick*.. and he changed in the sense tht he is more likely to express his feelings to me..in wht sense? like to tell me tht he miss me.. and calls me ''sha gua'' (idiot) and with me calling him ''ben dan'' (idiot) back in return..

inspires

Sunday, July 13, 2008 @ 10:53 PM

Song: Joyce Zheng (zhi jue-intuiton)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqg2Q4kECcM

its actually a video.. weird huh, mindy is recommending a video.. cuz i cant find the song's link.. read at wht i just sent him this afternoon.. cuz few things happened recently..

i feel sad

i got something to tell u.. i've been thinking alot last nite.. i think i have done more than wht i shud do.. to be frank, i reli miss u la.. till i dunno wht shud i do or rather wht can i do.. and i think we both know it very well, tht u might have liked me.. but u definitely love ur freedom more.. u're not ready for commitments like wht u've said previously.. *note:previously he told me.. he doesnt wanna have a gf cuz he still wants to play around* sometimes i, myself also don't know why i feel sad.. act like u haven seen this message before.. and DUN REPLY ME..

i feel sad
ppl might ask.. why the heck did i ask him not to reply? to be reli honest to myself, to everyone.. i guess i dun have tht courage to read wht he's gonna reply.. i dun have the strength to face the consequences.. but i reli feel pain tht i have to express it out.. i am bitchy, ain't i?

inspires

Saturday, July 5, 2008 @ 11:36 PM

Song: Fiona (xin bu liao qing)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/228119ht.htm

i am surviving

i like this song ler.. its the song played in a drama.. c'est la vie.. if i did not spell it wrongly.. its a sad drama tooo... i remember someone used to tell me.. life is too sad for another sad drama.. try to listen and understand the lyrics...

i'm surviving

not much happened today.. just tht my aunt called and told us grandma is in a dangerous stage.. she fell down yesterday.. and blood clogged in her brain.. she's currently paralyzed.. and my mom might be going bak tml.. depends on how serious she is.. cuz my mom has her business, family to look after.. these are the consequences of getting married i guess.. i told my mom tht i might get married but not having children.. but my mom told me something tht might make me remember for the rest of my life.. ''when u marry someone.. u will have to start comitting.. start to expect lesser and accept more.. when u're married.. u have to be a gud wife.. which means.. u'll have to have children when the right time comes''

i'm surviving

so i've made up my mind.. i don't wanna get married.. i dun want to b so extreme here.. i will not say tht i will NEVER get married.. as one kenot anticipate their own future.. i'll be having my driving lessons tml.. i kinda argued with louis just now.. i told him the difference between me and him is tht.. when i have issues with my frens, i would certainly confront them and make things clear between us.. but he would not.. by saying something unfair like ''i'll start treating everyone transparent.. and i'm only gonna bother my old frens'' i think its unfair.. i don't know.. he didnt even give us the opportunity to defend ourselves, ryte?

i'm surviving

i am currently reading this book.. quite a famous one.. the memoirs of a Geisha.. by arthur gold i think.. its a nice book.. tho i haven finished reading.. i'll be toking more bout the book when i finish reading it..

i'm surviving

P/S: i am trying to learn how to survive..

inspires

12:29 AM

Song: Landy Wen Lan (zhu wo sheng ri kuai le)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/68541ht.htm

depressed?

when was the last time i updated my blog? i dun remember.. and i'm not gonna bother.. i'm too tired to squeeze my brain juice for such tiny things.. my IELTS test is on nez month 30th i think.. i think i should start speaking in proper english to get myself a good grade for English.. i got a new resolution, a new wish that i have to fulfill.. i should reli start studying and keep everything aside.. my classmates actually spent their break time to study.. they also spent most of their time after class, at home to study.. i feel so inferior for not studying? i feel bad for being discriminated for not studying yet getting good grades?

depressed?

i am currently chatting with the bugger and Louis.. Louis told the bugger tht he likes me.. i dun know wht shud i do.. i tot Louis didnt like me already.. Louis's nickname sound depair, disappointed and he's in depression.. but i dun seem to bother either.. sometimes i feel so ugly for myself.. for being so mean.. but i think wht i'm doing here is just to stop him from letting himself to continue placing false hopes on me.. wht i am trying to do here is to stop him from falling deeper.. but i dun think anyone seem to understand.. they will just look at me with a ugly way and think how mean i am for treating him this way..

depressed?

tht bugger told me louis told him he likes me.. and he typed 'hahaha'.. why he sounds happy when someone tells him tht he likes someone u like? and why on earth am i feeling heartache at this moment?

depressed?

P/S: I never expected anyone to understand.. but i din expect noone to understand..

inspires

Wednesday, July 2, 2008 @ 9:42 PM

Song: Gary Cao (Zhu Guang Wan Chan)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/115218ht.htm

I SURVIVE

i think i'm too exhausted to type.. update just to tell u guys tht m alive kayy.. i survive! something happened.. my dad resigned from his current job.. i think he must have felt disappointed anyway.. but i reli hope tht he can get a job soon.. cuz he's too noisy and bossy when he's at home..

I SURVIVE

something changed.. tht bugger left for 2 months already.. i think i somehow feel for another person, or did i? i have been thinking.. wht i can say is.. i still like tht bugger very very much.. but i think i'm interested in another person.. a person who'll nvr like me in return.. cuz he treats Louis as his BFF (Best Friend Forever) and louis told him he likes me.. so there wont be any possibilities nor chances.. i beta bear tht in mind..

P/S: my AS Exam is coming...!

inspires