Thursday, June 12, 2008 @ 11:23 PM
i'm not reli sure if u can listen to the song i post above.. well.. lots of things happened as usual.. but i mean ALOT.. lots of things reli happened recently.. while i was away with my blog.. firstly, i found out tht my bro had been running away from sch.. yeah. as in ponteng-ing.. and a day after i found out.. he told me he might have been expelled from school.. but today he told me he managed to amend things.. i was thinking whther wht shud i do.. shud i just tell my parents or wht.. if i would to tell my parents.. m sure he'll be in BIG trouble.. i have a super super strict father.. i have a mom who used to have throat cancer - which means she's not supposed to be too angry or her cancerous cell will be produced again.. and the thought actually came into my mind.. tht how heartbroken my mom is gonna be if she ever finds out.. the person tht she loves with her heart, disappoint her and break her heart so badly.. thts the reason m trying to cover it up for my brother.. its not tht m trying to pamper or spoil my brother.. but again.. wht can i do? m barely 18 and its quite impossible for me to go to school and c his teacher and deal with it..
FEELING BETA
the 2nd thing is.. Louis told me he might b moving to around someway, or rather will b renting Jun's house.. as in staying in the same house as Jun but different room.. its like a storm strucked me.. as i was and i AM having transportation prob if he didnt offer to fetch me in the beginning of the year.. to be honest, i am reli grateful.. and i came out with a solution tht i shud go n get my license instead.. okayy.. i know wht u are thinking.. u must b thinking ''WHT GETTING A LICENSE WHEN THE PETROL PRICE INCREASED SO FREAKING MUCH?!'' and thinking tht i might have accidentally knocked my head on the wall and lose my conscience.. and let me tell u this, I AM NOT.. i'm trying to b independent.. trying to be stronger and start facing my own problems like a woman! trying to overcome my own car-driving phobia.. m not sure wht izit call and whther we have this kinda phobias recorded or not.. i might b the 1st one who has this weird phobia.. and i no longer want to rely on my parents, giving them extra burdens.. i know tht they have too many problems to handle already.. m not gonna create extra problems for them.. remembering tht i used to watch this drama which said ''u shud start handling ur life when u reach 18, u're totally responsibled for ur own life.. do things tht u want (which u think its correct) and nvr look bak.. have nothing holding u bak "
FEELING BETA
wht i did was re-think bout my whole future plans.. i started to draft my whole future plan.. start thinking of wht shud i do and wht shudnt b doing.. the third thing tht was bothering me is always him.. if u're my consistent blog reader, m sure u'll know who i am mentioning here.. ever since i asked him the question tht i thought would made me feel better..(whther he likes me as a fren or the guy-gal type of like) he changed alot.. he changed in the sense of.. not caring so much anymore.. laz time when he didnt contact me for a day, he'll definitely sms me and tell me he missed me sort of stuff.. which i think tht its sweet and at least shows tht he somewht cares.. but now.. he didnt bother to contact and didnt bother to explain.. even like juz now.. i asked him if he miss me or not.. the 1st attempt failed.. he didnt want to answer.. the second time when i asked him, he said "why u want to know? is tht important? yess'' and he actually asked me whther how do i feel when he doesnt sms me for a day.. when i asked him y din he sms then? he changed to the other topic.. am i just being sensitive/emotional/exaggerating? i told jackie.. i actually have the urge of confronting him.. and i still have it.. u know.. i might do it anytime.. i'm like a furious volcano which gonna have volcano eruption very soon after numerous attempts of holding myself bak.. i even have this message in my draft.. which says:
i've been thinking alot.. i think we nid to call for a halt in between us.. i think i shud stop crossing over the border of a fren.. cuz i think its gonna b worst if it continues lidat.. i think u oni notice my presence whenever u're bored or lonely..
which is so true.. things tht i have been repressing all these while.. things tht made my heart broken all these while.. i was listening to the radio station last nite while i was having insomnia.. i remembered this reli nice song.. which have a line of lyric saying tht ''our hearts will find their way if we are fated''.. i dun know.. i might have been repressing myself too much.. till m feeling so tired of these mixed emotions right now.. i might tell him off and stop things flowing between us, but deep within me, i knew tht i still reli like him.. so ironic right.. well.. at least m trying to take my very 1st step to continue moving on in life..
FEELING BETA
today i got back my Law paper.. before i go into my law paper.. have i mentioned bout my Pyscho paper or even my Semester exam? well.. i think i did.. cuz i was too occupied and bz lovesick-ing bout him.. i actually had my semester exam two weeks before my semester break.. to be frank, i didnt reli study.. ppl tht knw me well shud know tht m a lazy ass, i always do last min job.. i only like look through the notes 2hrs before exam.. but i remember things tht my lecturer taught us.. and i have good and long lasting memories when i think it is an important thing to remember..and yeah.. i got 70 for Psycho.. the 2nd highest in class.. when the highest marks is 71.5.. how depressing right.. just another 1.5marks m gonna get the subject award as well.. and i was expecting an A.. like wht my lecturer said.. ok.. for my law.. i got 75.. and there are only 8persons in my class who scored A.. m one of them.. and m also one of the 3persons who scored A in March intake.. m kinda proud of my law result tho.. my frens are like nearly failed their law.. m not boasting bout my results kayy.. its my blog and m supposed to tok bout my life.. but m not telling this to my classmates a.k.a frens.. cuz they'll think tht m boasting.. ahh.. whatever.. aim the highest, strive for the best.. another motivational quote from me.. and not forgetting crem de la crem, which is best of the best if m not mistaken..
FEELING BETA
and lastly, i would seriously want to screw ck for waking me up from my sleep by calling me at 1am last nite.. and i when i told him i was sleeping.. he didnt bother to hang up summo.. when i was having sleepless nights and insomnia killing me.. when i finally got myself to my dreamland.. he called.. and i had insomnia till 4am.. I SCREW U! #@%&#$! and u know he call me juz to tell me bout his college prom.. and the main purpose is ask me whther how to invite Joey G.. cuz our sch prom we invited Joey G.. idiot him..
inspires
