Friday, June 27, 2008 @ 12:40 AM
Song: Stacie Orrico (There's gotta me more/more to life)http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/58655ht.htmwhy do i feel pain again?this song is so super super nice and meaningful.. m gonna post the lyrics below.. this is gonna be a short update.. cuz m currently multi-tasking.. i'm currecntly searching for some points for psychology assignment.. and its already 12.45am now.. i'm still so widely awake doing my psychology assignment which i have to pass up tomorrow.. and after tht i have to go through my notes and search for the notes in the internet for tomorrow's Econs Quiz.. and i have to wake up at 6 tml.. ARGH.. have i said tht i got the feeling tht the lecturer doesnt like me? she gives me the u're-a-'fool'-time-student look.. so m working my ass to prove to her tht i dun only have good appearances.. LOL.. and yeah.. Psycho assignment.. u're just another bitch.. and.. why do i feel heartache when i think of him? lets keep this problem aside 1st.. stay focus, MINDYwhy do i feel pain now?i've got it all,but i feel so deprived i got up ,i come down and i'm emptier inside tell me what is this thing that i feel like missing and why can't i let it go there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me cause the more than i'm tripping out thinking there must be more to life well it's life, but i'm sure...there's gotta be more than wanting more i've got the time and i'm wasting it slowly here in the moment i'm half way out the door onto the next thing,i'm searching for something that i'm missing there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me
cause the more than i'm tripping out thinking
there must be more to life
well it's life, but i'm sure...
there's gotta be more
than waiting on someting other than this why am i feeling like there's something i missed... always...always.. there's gotta be more to life
than chasing down every temporary high
to satisfy me
cause the more than i'm tripping out thinking
there must be more to life
well it's life, but i'm sure...
there's gotta be more
than wanting more
inspires
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 @ 11:17 PM
Song: Fan Wei Qi (bu neng gen qing ren shuo de hua)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/175088ht.htm
i need vitamin B
the song is bout.. dedicating to ur TRUE frens.. the true fren tht u can tell everything to her/him.. especially things tht u kenot tell ur lover.. thts the song title.. i'm having my Econs presentation and Psycho test tml.. but i am still here blogging bout my day.. argh! due to my own kiasu-ism again.. i'm aiming to be the highest in class and trying to strive for the best.. for Econs.. we only nid to write bout PROTECTIONISM vs TRADE.. i dun reli like Econs... but m trying to do something bout it.. i'm trying to write on a piece of paper and copy it on the spot tml.. she din say tht we're not supposed to do tht, i guess??
i need vitamin B
talked to Ms Ida today.. she explained bout the mistakes i've done in the exam..okayy.. i admit mostly its careless mistakes.. and she told me something tht made me to be more stressed up.. she told me she was aiming for at least 3 person to get A for AS.. and i'm one of them.. the only one in March Intake.. arghhh.. i will try.. i promise.. i'll WILL get an A for the sake of myself, my future, my mom, my dad, and MS IDA.. ok.. i'm packing up my laziness and dump it in some hidden areas of some unknown islands..
i need vitamin B
i dun know why.. but i feel disgusted.. i am bad, aight? Louis is being clingy nowadays.. like where i go during the breaks, he'll sms me and ask me whether where am i.. am i supposed to report to him my whereabouts? and even after i went bak after college today, cuz he cant fetch and i have to rely on mom instead.. he sms-ed me to ask me bout my dog and bro? like WTF? i just saw u just now? and when i was waiting for my mom in the foyer.. he followed me and sat next to be without being invited.. i dun like him.. he's not my bf.. and i dun like clingy guys..
i like vitamin B
P/S: Jackie.. i hope u'll feel beta.. its not wrong to still have feelings for J
inspires
Saturday, June 21, 2008 @ 10:53 PM
Song: Yang Zhong Wei (Yang Chong - onion)
http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/206759ht.htmthis song is suitable for ppl who had a crush on someone secretly.. he (the singer) reli express the feeling very well.. okay.. seriously.. i'm bloated.. i ate alot today.. i dun know why.. i think i'm reli under great pressure.. and m not joking ok.. altho i never look stressed up.. altho i always have this smile on my face.. but who on earth ever knows tht m in depression if i dun tell them? who to blame? the answer is always urs truly, me.. i think i'm too good in hiding my emotions behind my always-smiling-face.. i'm too good at keeping every of my problems in the dark corner of my heart and never never reveal my true colours to anyone.. even my family? i think its the way i've been brought up.. the environment.. being the eldest.. trying not to b looked down.. trying to b the prefect role model.. trying not to be the loser whenever i was compared to my brother? or izit my own innate kiasu-ism?
can u c the real me behind my mask?
get me a Siberian Husky? says:
and normal ppl got their on the road pre-test after 8hrs learning.. i just had mine today..after 4hrs of learning only
get me a Siberian Husky? says:
and m reli trying very hard not to disappoint my mom.. not to b looked down by my dad... not giving burdens to my parents after louis kenot fetch me
Carina says:
i know
Carina says:
i know
Carina says:
u r goin to great stress
can u see the real me behind my mask?
i'm reli working my ass out not to disappoint anyone who have placed their expectations on me.. i have reli been trying reli hard to stop ppl from comparing.. i have been trying darn hard to prove tht i am never a loser.. i have been trying hard to climb up to the highest moutain.. to gain the best.. but i am now feeling reli tiredd.. due to my new timetable.. A levels is not tht hard actually.. the schedule is the only thing tht is still killing me.. monday to friday mostly classes are from 8.30am until 4.30pm.. with breaks in between of cuz.. but its relli tiring..
can u see the real me behind my mask?
u guys must b wondering.. wht bout ur weekends? have some rest during the weekends? i'm having my express driving classes during the weekends.. like today.. i woke up at 8.30am on my lovely saturday morning.. to attend the pre-test.. i came home bout 2pm.. went out for lunch with mom.. and i had my driving lessons on 5 till 7pm again.. i know i still have tml ler.. but.. i think m using my last day on the weekend to catch up in my Econs.. (hopefully)
can u see the real me behind my mask?
i dun knw why.. it just exploded all of a sudden.. m reli tired of all these damn stress.. i think its my own kiasu-ism..
P/S: If u're wondering.. i passed my pre-test..
inspires
Friday, June 20, 2008 @ 11:35 PM
Song: JJ Lin Jun Jie (Yuan Lai)http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/116775ht.htmok.. i'm not being lazy for not updating my blog kayy.. i have a reasonable reason.. i had fever, VERY BAD gastric (i'm not exaggerating.. i have been vomitting whenever i ate something) and the most serious one; URINE INFECTION.. the doctor told me i'm having some kidney probs also.. not tht serious la.. as in normal kidney patients is 3+ and m a 2+.. i know i know.. it sounds serious.. who can i blame? AJINOMOT*? PANADO*? i know its not all tht.. its me,myself have not been drinking much fluid.. i am the type of person who doesnt like to drink much water cuz i dislike going to the toilet.. but i'm drinking alot of water now.. i dun want to have my kidney spoiled.. i dun want to go for kidney diagnosis..worried worried worriedi was absent for class since 3days ago.. AHH.. again.. absenteeism should not be tolerated.. i feel guilty.. and the worst part is.. Ms Tan (econs lecturer) told louis to tell me i have been missing alot of classes lately.. but its not tht i purposely duwan to attend or wht right? i'm sick wht.. i dunno. but i reli dislike her.. in the sense tht she's lazy and not professional.. she'll only teach u the concept and u'll have to figure out the whole thing urself.. like when u dun understand and u ask her questions, she'll say things like ''LIDAT ALSO DUN UNDERSTAND ARR?''worried worried worriedok ok.. i dun wanna bitch bout her.. i'm having my pre-test tml.. i feel kinda awkward here.. just now drove my dad's car.. AUTO.. and my dad was sitting nez to me.. he kept shouting.. m kinda frustrated ler. cuz he taught me is different from wht the lecturer taught me.. so who am i supposed to listen? dun bother.. life's a bitch anyway..worried worried worriedto those ppl who are invited to read my blog... feel proud kayy.. cuz u're going to know this hottest news.. i heard tht mom's buying me a Satria Neo.. better than wht i've expected.. i'm still not sure.. but i'm definitely gonna drive to college myself ASAP.. i duwan Louis to fetch me anymore.. i dun knw.. mayb i have this feeling tht he still likes me? and i just duwan to continue giving him false hopes..worried worried worriedP/S: there's this guy who said tht m not fat.. and the most suitable word to use on me is HOT
inspires
Tuesday, June 17, 2008 @ 10:52 PM
Song: Alex Fong & Stephy Tang (Hou Sam Hou Bou)
i am me
*listen to the lyrics.. especially the gal's one.. reli express how i feel* i wasn't feeling well today.. but i went to college.. loud applause for Ms Mindy Cheah.. i took the 1st step already.. at least m not as lazy as how i used to be anymore.. (note: but still lazy ler) Louis was shocked and he asked me how come i became so hardworking all of a sudden.. anyway. i realised Louis is kinda sarcastic.. m not toking bout this.. to many examples to be listed out..
i am still me
well.. Ms Ida told us something 'exciting' this afternoon:-
- 20th October: Psychology Paper 1
- 24th October: Psychology Paper 2
- 6th November: Econs Paper 1
- 7th November: Econs Paper 2
- 13th November: Law Paper 1
- 14th November: Law Paper 2
i'm beginning to feel the heat already.. the heat is on! i am worried bout my Econs the most.. but my fren told me just read everything in my textbook and it'll be okayy already.. tml my class is gonna start at 1030am.. which means i can have more sleep..
i am still me
today the u-know-who skipped class to study his Physic Quiz.. but later he sms-ed me and told me he realised tht today he doesnt have Physic class.. he's cute, isn't he? and today Malaysian Studies canceled.. dunno due to wht reason.. and when i sms-ed him.. he told me he skipped his chemistry and physic class.. cuz his teacher teach them in malay.. which means he doesnt get it.. wht do u expect ryte? martics are mostly dominated by Malays.. and of cuz we dun expect those lecturers to have good command of english.. NVM.. let me continue my story.. and he was kinda pissed at me cuz i wasnt feeling well and i went to college.. *he cares right?* and juz now he sms-ed me.. when he was supposed to copy his frens homework.. he said he realised tht i'm always sick.. and these are the consequences of not exercising.. *again.. he cares right?* nvmmm.. cuz i'm reli learning how to deal with him..
i am still me
come to think of it.. i just realised.. none of my college-mates are invited to read my blog.. hmm.. i think its because i simply dun trust anyone YET.. and i think this blog is supposed to be personal? or mayb like wht they suggested tht i actually bitch bout them in my blog? but i dun reli bitch bout them anyway..
inspires
Monday, June 16, 2008 @ 10:33 PM
Jackie where have u been lar? so tempted to tell u wht happened to him these few days.. wait tilll i see u online.. m too lazy to list it out in my blog tho.. but its the sweetest thing tht he had done so far..
i want my license
okay okayy.. basically my malaysian studies gonna start tml.. how sad ler.. i heard my seniors toking bout how boring malaysian studies gonna be.. i am well prepared already ler.. mayb i shud get some homework to do during my malaysian studies..
i want my license
i think m kinda sick... m having slight fever and flu.. and i feel like vomiting.. and NO.. m not pregnant.. in case if u're wondering.. which is i dunno why.. mom called and told me m supposed to go for my driving pre-test.. which is kinda weird ler.. so far i've only been to 2 classes.. the instructor haven started Parking and on the slope yet.. we haven only been on the road and turning.. i dun know.. but i reli dun wanna fail my pre-test.. HOWW?!! i want my licensee..
i want my license
today Ms Marie gave us lots of law homework.. its around 25questions.. m gonna start doing my homework. and like wht Ms Ida said.. its reli time to push away everything tht'll distract us and reli start focusing in our studies.. and focus only in our AS exam.. as it is coming reli soon.. not round the corner.. but its on 13th Oct to 21st Oct.. its during my birthday.. how sad right.. but nvm.. i'll have double happiness after my exams.. i'll celebrate after my exam and at the same time m gonna feel happy cuz exams are over.. smart me..
i want my license
P/S: i think his birthday is on 14th August? inspires
Sunday, June 15, 2008 @ 9:00 PM
i got new timetable already.. mostly everyday is until 4.30pm.. thts so crazy right.. but there are more breaks in between.. seriously i would prefer not to have any break at least i can go home earlier and have a good afternoon nap.. nothing much happened this few days.. just tht i started my driving classes already.. and m loving it.. just tht i started to feel panic whenver i have to switch to gear 1.. the car will jerk sometimes la.. when i release the clutch too fast.. i shud learn how to calm down n dun b too panic..
i love myself
mom says she's not gonna buy me a good car. i personally requested for a smaller car.. cuz i dun think i can deal with big cars tho.. the reasons why she told me she's not gonna get me a good car are:
- she claimed tht m going to Australia/UK to further my studies.. so there's no point for her to get me a good car and leave it at home when m gone..
- she believed tht m gonna spoil/wreck/crash the car as soon as i start driving (i believe tht tooo!)
- she said tht i might turn to her one day n tell her tht i dun wanna drive anymore..
welll.. i dun deny tht the 3reasons are quite valid tho... i mean especially the first 2 reasons.. i cant wait to get my car license and start driving.. welll.. she said she's not gonna buy me a good and expensive car right? i was thinking bout Hyundai Atos or Kenari white Aero Sport.. i dun know why i seem to like these 2 cars... i dun like Suzuki Swift anyway.. today is practically Father's day.. unfortunately, my dad has to work.. thought of bringing him out for dinner..
i love myself
and i dun know why.. m beginning to take him lightly la.. i mean by not seeing him so important to me.. dun believe izit? i'll give u examples okayy.. 1stly, m having this thought like 'at least he cares for how i feel'.. and i wont feel so bad over it when he doesnt sms me.. 2ndly, this afternoon around 2.30pm.. he sms-ed me when i was about to sleep.. if i was still like how i used to be, i would definitely try to stretch my eyes wide open and reply his msgs.. but i didnt.. i continue sleeping.. and when i was awake.. he sent me another msg to ask me whther wht m i doing, if m bz and y didnt i reply his msg.. i mean it shows tht he cares right? i dunno... but i reli miss him.. he left me for 1month already.. i wonder if he misses me too?
inspires
Thursday, June 12, 2008 @ 11:23 PM
i'm not reli sure if u can listen to the song i post above.. well.. lots of things happened as usual.. but i mean ALOT.. lots of things reli happened recently.. while i was away with my blog.. firstly, i found out tht my bro had been running away from sch.. yeah. as in ponteng-ing.. and a day after i found out.. he told me he might have been expelled from school.. but today he told me he managed to amend things.. i was thinking whther wht shud i do.. shud i just tell my parents or wht.. if i would to tell my parents.. m sure he'll be in BIG trouble.. i have a super super strict father.. i have a mom who used to have throat cancer - which means she's not supposed to be too angry or her cancerous cell will be produced again.. and the thought actually came into my mind.. tht how heartbroken my mom is gonna be if she ever finds out.. the person tht she loves with her heart, disappoint her and break her heart so badly.. thts the reason m trying to cover it up for my brother.. its not tht m trying to pamper or spoil my brother.. but again.. wht can i do? m barely 18 and its quite impossible for me to go to school and c his teacher and deal with it..
FEELING BETA
the 2nd thing is.. Louis told me he might b moving to around someway, or rather will b renting Jun's house.. as in staying in the same house as Jun but different room.. its like a storm strucked me.. as i was and i AM having transportation prob if he didnt offer to fetch me in the beginning of the year.. to be honest, i am reli grateful.. and i came out with a solution tht i shud go n get my license instead.. okayy.. i know wht u are thinking.. u must b thinking ''WHT GETTING A LICENSE WHEN THE PETROL PRICE INCREASED SO FREAKING MUCH?!'' and thinking tht i might have accidentally knocked my head on the wall and lose my conscience.. and let me tell u this, I AM NOT.. i'm trying to b independent.. trying to be stronger and start facing my own problems like a woman! trying to overcome my own car-driving phobia.. m not sure wht izit call and whther we have this kinda phobias recorded or not.. i might b the 1st one who has this weird phobia.. and i no longer want to rely on my parents, giving them extra burdens.. i know tht they have too many problems to handle already.. m not gonna create extra problems for them.. remembering tht i used to watch this drama which said ''u shud start handling ur life when u reach 18, u're totally responsibled for ur own life.. do things tht u want (which u think its correct) and nvr look bak.. have nothing holding u bak "
FEELING BETA
wht i did was re-think bout my whole future plans.. i started to draft my whole future plan.. start thinking of wht shud i do and wht shudnt b doing.. the third thing tht was bothering me is always him.. if u're my consistent blog reader, m sure u'll know who i am mentioning here.. ever since i asked him the question tht i thought would made me feel better..(whther he likes me as a fren or the guy-gal type of like) he changed alot.. he changed in the sense of.. not caring so much anymore.. laz time when he didnt contact me for a day, he'll definitely sms me and tell me he missed me sort of stuff.. which i think tht its sweet and at least shows tht he somewht cares.. but now.. he didnt bother to contact and didnt bother to explain.. even like juz now.. i asked him if he miss me or not.. the 1st attempt failed.. he didnt want to answer.. the second time when i asked him, he said "why u want to know? is tht important? yess'' and he actually asked me whther how do i feel when he doesnt sms me for a day.. when i asked him y din he sms then? he changed to the other topic.. am i just being sensitive/emotional/exaggerating? i told jackie.. i actually have the urge of confronting him.. and i still have it.. u know.. i might do it anytime.. i'm like a furious volcano which gonna have volcano eruption very soon after numerous attempts of holding myself bak.. i even have this message in my draft.. which says:
i've been thinking alot.. i think we nid to call for a halt in between us.. i think i shud stop crossing over the border of a fren.. cuz i think its gonna b worst if it continues lidat.. i think u oni notice my presence whenever u're bored or lonely..
which is so true.. things tht i have been repressing all these while.. things tht made my heart broken all these while.. i was listening to the radio station last nite while i was having insomnia.. i remembered this reli nice song.. which have a line of lyric saying tht ''our hearts will find their way if we are fated''.. i dun know.. i might have been repressing myself too much.. till m feeling so tired of these mixed emotions right now.. i might tell him off and stop things flowing between us, but deep within me, i knew tht i still reli like him.. so ironic right.. well.. at least m trying to take my very 1st step to continue moving on in life..
FEELING BETA
today i got back my Law paper.. before i go into my law paper.. have i mentioned bout my Pyscho paper or even my Semester exam? well.. i think i did.. cuz i was too occupied and bz lovesick-ing bout him.. i actually had my semester exam two weeks before my semester break.. to be frank, i didnt reli study.. ppl tht knw me well shud know tht m a lazy ass, i always do last min job.. i only like look through the notes 2hrs before exam.. but i remember things tht my lecturer taught us.. and i have good and long lasting memories when i think it is an important thing to remember..and yeah.. i got 70 for Psycho.. the 2nd highest in class.. when the highest marks is 71.5.. how depressing right.. just another 1.5marks m gonna get the subject award as well.. and i was expecting an A.. like wht my lecturer said.. ok.. for my law.. i got 75.. and there are only 8persons in my class who scored A.. m one of them.. and m also one of the 3persons who scored A in March intake.. m kinda proud of my law result tho.. my frens are like nearly failed their law.. m not boasting bout my results kayy.. its my blog and m supposed to tok bout my life.. but m not telling this to my classmates a.k.a frens.. cuz they'll think tht m boasting.. ahh.. whatever.. aim the highest, strive for the best.. another motivational quote from me.. and not forgetting crem de la crem, which is best of the best if m not mistaken..
FEELING BETA
and lastly, i would seriously want to screw ck for waking me up from my sleep by calling me at 1am last nite.. and i when i told him i was sleeping.. he didnt bother to hang up summo.. when i was having sleepless nights and insomnia killing me.. when i finally got myself to my dreamland.. he called.. and i had insomnia till 4am.. I SCREW U! #@%&#$! and u know he call me juz to tell me bout his college prom.. and the main purpose is ask me whther how to invite Joey G.. cuz our sch prom we invited Joey G.. idiot him..
inspires
