i'm so emo now.. i guess only God knows how emo i am.. just got scolded from mom.. not scolded.. lectured.. mom said.. "do u know how sinful the both of u are?'' but i know.. she points at me.. how sinful i am? i want to know.. she said this because she thinks that i mistreat my dog.. whenever or whatever happens to my dog.. i'm surely the one to blame.. everything will be pointed at me.. right at me.. never at my brother.. i remembered.. my brother and i wanted a dog so much 2 years ago.. my brother promised to help me whenever i needed help.. after we bought the dog.. my brother never did anything for the dog.. not even feeding the dog.. he would only play with the dog after i bathed the dog once in a blue moon.. whenever anything happens.. or rather i would like to say.. whenever there's something to do with my dog.. my mom would just scold me and tell me how sinful i am.. but she never even thought about my bro holds part of the responsibilities.. he agreed to buy the dog too.. he agreed to help too.. but what happened now? to b honest.. i'm reli disappointed.. trully disappointed at my mom.. all these while.. ever since we had our dog.. i'm the one who fed the dog.. she helped too.. early in the morning.. i'm the one who cleared the dog shit.. i'm the one who bathed the dog.. i'm the one who did everything! alone..
ALONE.. i remembered once.. when she told me how sinful i am.. i ''reminded'' here that my bro holds part of the responsibilities too.. he promised to help.. he promised to take care of the dog.. and u know wht she said? she said my brother is just too young to do all these things.. i'm the sister.. so i just have to do it.. for my brother.. lol.. and it's because i'm a female.. lol.. she's a female too,ryte?aside from that.. i reli had an unhappy childhood.. i had a really bad father.. a flowery-heart father.. a father who's not rich and yet he's still so flowery heart.. a bad-tempered father.. reli bad tempered.. remember once when i was still a kid.. i accidentally spilled the milo on the floor.. and i was traumatized.. i was so worried that he would beat me... and he did.. he did beaten up.. and there was a scare on my leg.. my classmates saw it.. n they made joke of it.. and i remembered everyone were laughing at me.. mom told me that when i was a kid.. i woundn't want to sleep at nite.. i would wait till my dad comes home.. and he would carry me on his back and sing to me.. then oni i would sleep.. to b honest, it still haunts me.. whenever i think bout it.. i would really cry.. i'm a person who cries alot.. but i control my tears.. control my tears from rolling down to my cheek.. and i guess thts wht makes me strong.. whenever i feel like crying.. i would just ask myself to calm down.. talking bout unhappy childhood.. i was a gal with reli bad results.. academic results.. dad would insult me infront of my brother.. infront of my relatives.. and thts wht makes my brother look down at me.. thts wht made him to look down at me or do not respect me as his sister.. dad was a really bad guy.. he had always been playing lotsa gals out there.. and i remembered that my parents always fight.. until now.. they're still fighting over little things.. and i get really annoyed.. whenever they're fighting.. i would get involved into their arguments.. i will be dragged into their arguments to be precise.. seriously, i do not stand at which side.. neither my mother's side nor my father's side.. cuz.. i really needed and wanted some peace at home.. i just want some peace and harmony life! this made my mom to think that i always stand at my father's side.. and she would tell her frens and our relatives tht i'm her daughter who did not stand at her side.. then her frens would say tht i'm such a useless daughter who do not know how to stand against my father.. lol.. sometimes elders just thought tht they know everything.. they would say tht i was once a kid.. once a teenager like u.. i know wht u're thinking.. let me tell you this, anyone who is reading this post now.. no matter are u a parent or anyone, you would never know wht's hidden in a person's heart nor mind.. i'm actually hiding in my heart all these while.. i try not to exposed too much of myself to everyone.. i keep everything to myself.. and i mean
EVERYTHING.. my true feelings especially.. my dad is someone he thought he's great.. the i'm-just-so-great type.. or mayb easily satiesfied.. a dad who always looks down at me.. whenver i tell him about my dreams and ambitions.. he would not support me like those fathers out there would.. he would just tell me tht i cant and so on.. but i guess this is his way of supporting me.. my dad changed his attitude to me.. ever since i got 5A's in my pmr.. he started to change his attitude to me.. i guess its bcuz he started to c me as a diff gal i think.. dad is a guy who would not use his gifted brains to think.. no offence.. listen to my reason.. i told him i wanted to go to Australia to study.. to pursue my law degree.. cuz malaysia lawyer nid an overseas cert to prove tht ur good.. thts wht my mom's lawyer told her.. wht he said was to ask me not to dream so early and he said he wont allow me to go.. u know why? cuz its all about money again.. money is reli important i guess.. and it is important i know.. when i told him tht i would get a scholarship just to go overseas to study.. he kept quiet.. he changed his point of view.. so is this wht we call as being materialistic? my father is those kinda guy who gives more care and attention to the son in the family.. and thts true.. 2 thumbs up from everyone in my family.. i guess my relatives could surely c this since the beginning of everything.. since my bro was still a kid.. as an evidence, my dad would buy my bro birthday present every year.. he would ask my brother wht he wanted every year.. but when it comes to me.. he wouldn't even bother to ask.. even if i take the initiative to tell him.. he wouldn't even bother to care.. or he would just tell me he doesnt have tht much money ok.. as an example.. when i was in form3, i begged for a mp3.. its around rm500++.. he shared with my mother.. last year.. he did not bother to buy me anything.. this year.. he did not bother to buy me anything too.. izit bcuz i'm growing up so birthday isn't important anymore? grown ups do not care bout celebrating their birthday anymore izit? this year.. my birthday.. i was on veggie.. mom bought a small piece of cake and i blew the candles.. then mom gave the whole piece of cake to her colleagues.. lol.. is this an insult?